Pursuit of Happiness

Wah..udah lamaaaa banget nggak nulis blog pake bahasa indo..hehe.. (sok internasionil bangetl nih ceritanya...), jadi kangen menulis pemikiran-pemikiranku yang lebay dan agak gilaaaa dengan lebih cespleng. Hehe..

Akhir-akhir ini aku seriiing banget mikirin tentang diriku. Udah umur berapa lah, mau jadi apa lah, apa aja yang udah happenning in my life lah, udah bisa apa lah sekarang..dan hal hal sebangsa dan setanah airnya itu lah. Apalagi kalau orang sekitar kita udah pada mulai berubah atau udah berubah menjadi 'seseorang'.  Entah some new life chapter, atau new job and working ideas, and so on.

Contoh nih,  pas habis ngelihat temen baikku merit, hati jadi sedikit mencelos 'nyesss...'.. Yah, kapan yah aku... trus temen yang lain juga pada tunangan, dst dst... Atau pas habis ngelihat temen yang lain, sukses sama kerjaanya, hati pun juga jd nguing-nguing ... 'Halooooo....kamu sendiri sekarang udah jadi apaaa? Udah sukses belom? Udah bisa apa?'.. Apalagi kemarin-kemarin pas hari galau', kepala tambah mumett aja isinya, mikirrrr terus yang bukan bukan deh.

Tapi mungkin memang perlu juga suatu fase seperti itu ya, supaya kita bisa lebih memaknai hidup dan apa yang kita punya sekarang...Kayak sekarang gini waktu pikiran udah lumayan jernih sehabis melanglang buana kemana-mana, baru bisa melihat dengan cakrawala baru, bahwa hidup nggak cuma melulu isinya harus seperti yang aku mau.

Ternyata masih ada buanyakkk alasan untuk aku feel grateful and harus grateful. Kalo aku masih diomeli sama ortu atau masih ribet aja ngurusi ortu, berarti aku masih ada ortu yang harus aku sayang. Kalo aku masih ada tengkaran dan omelan-omelan sama Hun, berarti orang tersayangku itu masih peduli sama aku, butuh aku, dan still care with this relationship. Kalo aku kadang terbosan-bosan sama kehidupan yang begini-begini aja, berarti aku masih ada waktu luang untuk diriku berpikir apa yang akan aku lakukan. Kalo masalah dan hal-hal menyebalkan terjadi, berarti aku masih harus terus belajar sabar (semoga aku bisa ! hahaha)..Kalo hal-hal yang aku inginkan tidak selalu terjadi, berarti akan ada hal yang lebih baik yang bakal terjadi. Selalu ada alasan untuk mengucap syukur.

Oke, jadi aku akan buat daftar untuk diriku sendiri, how to pursuit my happiness...

1. Ngga usah sibuk membandingkan hidup kita dengan orang lain, membandingkan kebahagiaan apa saja yang sudah kita miliki VS orang lain. Cos everyone has their own way of life, and everything happenned for a reason. Being happy isn't determined by comparing with other people around us, but just how we accept and feel grateful for everything we have...

2. Semua ada waktunya. As a smart people, punya otak punya tangan, kita harus mengejar apa yang kita mau. Tapi, ojo mekso.... Ada hal-hal tertentu yang memang bukan waktunya, ditunggu aja, be patient, must be more wonderful then..

3. Sometimes being 'someone meaningful' doesn't mean always being successful, pretty, and something like that. But, some simple things in life you do it everyday, taking care of people around you, being nice, and you are already being meaningful for them.

4.  Tetap semangat dan optimis aja selalu. Di mana ada usaha dan semangat, pasti akan dikasih jalan. Aku selalu bilang, hari esok nggak akan ada yang tahu apa yang bakal dan bisa terjadi. Always don't give up on anything.

5. Find a sweet little happiness on every little things happened. Belum tentu bisa terulang lagi kapan-kapan..

6. Every struggle in you life made u now.

1-6 ditulis di sini, pake bahasa indo, biar aku selalu ingat !!! Ngga suka ngomel-ngomel lagi sendiri !! Hehehe..

Kupikir-pikir, buat orang lain pun, mungkin aku juga udah ada kehidupanku sendiri ya. Aku pun juga udah go on my life with Hun...that's a point...

Oke, sekarang mikirin yang lebih riil aja, apa sih yang pengen aku tuju dalam hidup? Aku harus jadi apa ya sama Hun?
- Successfull couple trader (woo...)
- Baru aja berasa suka masak --> enjoying life being chef (hohoho...) --> harus rajin masak? atau start les masak?
- Traveler's writer --> CORET, karena kere nggak punya uang buat jalan-jalan, apanya yang mau ditulis..
- Woman racer or couple racer... hohoho...bayangin aja keren.. wkwkwk
But, more of that, dream ku adalah being a good wife and mom for my husband, kids, and my family......

Ini kok jadi ngaco ya malah ngomomgim apa.. Anyway, aku harus rajin nulis blog !!!
Semoga rencana untuk tulis review akhir tahun dan resolusi awal tahun nanti bisa terlaksana. Amin o:)

11th

I was quite upset yesterday, maybe because of my mood and situation in my home. I was soooo moody, and made Hun quite sad... :(

Well, but i think, yesterday was a turning point for me. Maybe it really need to happened, so can widen my mind. After thinking and talking much with Hun, i finally can feel relieved. Maybe Hun did wrong things to me. So do i to Hun. We often made mistakes to each other. Things not always going in our way. But i realized, i believe in Hun. This trust that i wrote before, supposed to be more powerful than my super-too-much-thinking mind. So, I don't want to think too much anymore about anything that supposed not to be thought now.

When my mind flashed about losing you, i realized how happy i am with you now. How grateful i am to have you in my life. So many things to be happy with you. Even just simple things, living our daily life, sharing our daily activities together, feels that our heart so firm. Still so many nice story to be wrote along our together way.

Thank you Hun for open my eyes...
Happy eleven-month anniversary, Prut ! And may it last ever-after..

Super Miss! !!!

It is an ordinary working day. But i miss u super super now.... :'(

Teach me...

God.....please....teach me how to be patient...how to care...how to obey....how to share....how to listen...how to be nice......
and how to love......
For my every single day......i always see her like that......i don't want to be like her....

Just teach me how to be in Your way, for my life and people who stay in my life, and my future....

See, saw, seen

See what you supposed to see, and don't see what you don't supposed to see. Cos when what doesn't supposed to be see is seen already, you can't deny your heart that you haven't saw it.

And you started to know too much and think much, imagine much and comparing much too....

People said...if what you see by the eye doesn't please you, then close your eyes and see from the heart. Because the heart can see beauty and love more than the eyes can ever wonder...

*wirc*

What are words...

Maybe it's a bit too late for me to know this thing... I just so touched when i heard "What are words.." song, by Chris Medina. When i know the story behind that song, which is for his girlfriend actually. She had a brain injury because of car accident....

What are words, if you really don't mean them when you say them ?
What are words, if they're only for good times, then they don't?


What is love, if you really don't mean them when you say them ?
What is love, if they're only for good times, then they don't?

Sunday Talk

I just got home from spending this day with Hun. We talk a lot today. Maybe it was not really nice talk. But i think (and i hope) it was constructive and educative for both of us and this relationship. We were talking about something serious, and one of the serious one is something that Hun like to joke me about.

I don't like when Hun joke around about that things to me. And  i complain to him about that. We talked a lot and Hun tell me his view, and also so do i. I feel very relieved after that. And unexpectedly, when Hun keep jokes me that things, i feel.....fine!! I don't feel bad things in my minds, but just take that as a real jokes too. Haha..

Thank you my Hun for being so nice to me. For want to ask what i feel and try to understand it. I always said that you were so rude, always do what you want without care my feeling, and so on. But actually, i know you do care for me, even you are not sensitive people, you care with me, doing that with your own way. Thank you for take me to Atom and pick me up there yesterday, within your busy and tiring day.

As a human, maybe we always do that (like you said), that people's wrongs will always be remembered. But people's right get forgotten easily. o_O..
Sorry for that prut... I hope i can always do my best for you. Cos i really want to get together with you for my future..

... a Story...

Trust you, means i don't want to remember anymore about your pasts, nor to feel hurt or sad anymore about that, nor complaining to you , or even have a lil worry in my heart.

But, to leave your past and my past behind, and step forward..... .together we travel our life journey... create  our own love story... fill it with ups and downs inside.... And one day, we look behind, and be grateful for those precious story....

*love*

Love is...

Love is about creating a story together. It may have a plain, nice, sad, emotional, caring, hated, and whatever it may come.. Love is not always about being happy and in perfect condition. It also about being at the most critical point condition. But how you solve your problems together and how both of u try to understand each other...
That"s you called it love-story....

Lazy Sunday

I had a nice weekend with Hun last week. The nicest thing is just because we had a lazy sunday.  Lazy sunday is a nickname we used to do in sunday. Sometimes we called it :unproductive day. Well, it is really unproductive.

We spent the whole day with sleeping till a lil noon. Then we used to cook some food and we have breakfast. I like when we cook American Breakfast, with Hun's scrambled egg is very dekicious. Finish eating, maybe we watched a movie at home, and then back sleeping again...till evening. After that, maybe we go out with some friends to have a food for dinner.

What a day ! I like lazy sunday. More over, i like spending my whole day with you, Hun !  Gotta work again tomorrow.. ... sooo lazy..

Bali Marathon 2012

I really wanted to write this post so longgg time ago... but i'm so lazy to do that. However, i'm gonna write it down now. The longer i delay to write it down, the shorter the story i'll write. Cos, i might be forget what happenned that time.

At March 2012, i saw a campaign about Bali Marathon in internet, newspaper and some billboards. I never participate at any kind of this events, so i have no idea how big the event is. I just feel so excited to participate, and dreaming about being healthy!! Eventhough i've never do exercise running for about 4 years lately !! I was thinking that the event must be great, must be international event, it's so nice to do running with sooo many people, and it held in my own country. So, why not i participate this time?

So, i ask my friends to join me. But only one who want to join. Then, we are 2 girls only fly to Bali for 4days 3 nights. Like an escape within our busy and working time in Surabaya. This time i had a nice culinary trip too, because we have a friend in Bali who take care of us when we're there. She took us to nice and cheap food stall, but so delicious !

The event took time at Sunday, April 22th 2012. We came to Bali at saturday. There is no special intention for me to win this. I just want to have fun. And it really fun!
There are 4 main categories for adult at this event. Full marathon (42km), Half marathon (21km), 10km, and Relay marathon. We took the lowest class, 10km. At first, we are afraid, how far is it? How if we can't get finished till the end? And so on.

Then, the big day is coming ! There were a bus pick-up waiting for us at Musro, Kuta at 3 AM. Its place located at Bali Safari and Marine Park, Gianyar, Bali, which needs about 1-2 hours to get there.
Our category, 10km, started at 6AM. And... we were sooooo nervous.

It was a very huge event....with total participants approx. 10.000 people.....and there are from all around the world..... The place is in the main road of Gianyar Bypass, till the Safari Jungle area.......and it's soooo huge...
I was so amazed that time, with the number of the participants. Maybe 60% are foreigner....

So........the race started...
There are a sign for every 1km on the side of the running track. I am running full power at the first and second km.....then..... the third, i'm exhausted....sooo much... That time, i think i'm gonna die. Cos i have to finish the next 7-8 kms, which i thinked i can't.
But there are so many people running together with us, just like a spirit pump for me. So, i keep going, i am trying to keep walking, keep walking faster, and keep running.....
The check point at 5km became a turning point for me. I have another spirit that I CAN.

And at last, i really finish.... Maybe it just 10km, and not even at the top finisher, but i am proud with myself. Just like the campaign : Push Your Limit ! And it's definitely true.

Push Your Limit, and YOU CAN too !!

Trust

It's not easy to always see her in front of me. While my mind can always going crazy thinking this and that. I started to be used to, or maybe i learnt to be used to, is the exact word to describe.

I am struggling, sometimes not feeling comfortable too. But i have to conquer myself, esp. my too much thinking brain.

Just believe love. Believe my trust on you. It built already since she came recently. Just like the same trust to you that i had when i get close to you at the first time.

Trust you means have a faith on you. And will never give up with you, never lose you. I believe in you.

I love you...

TED-dy

I had a very nice weekend with you, Hun.. Thanks for waking me up today with your call. That was very very rare! Haha.. Then we had a nice dimsum breakfast. It always being what we want but we never done before. Next is we aregoing to watch TED and eat some yogurt ice cream.

The very last perfect weekend is i sleep very tight just when we watched movie in home. I like to sleep while you are awake beside me watching movie or doing your things. Don't know why, just like it. Feels safe... *kiss*

Writing this "Room"

Wow.. I just take a look, and realized that my blog is already lasts than 1 year and i still writing on it. I think it's nice to write down what happenned in my life and what am i thinking. It releases stresses, it brings memory, and somehow it makes you more "thinking" cooling down some problems, can see from the other view.

Maybe last month, i knew a very nice blog, named hj-story.com. That blog is dedicated to the author's wife.. how sweet... :D... however, i think my blog somehow is fully written about my Hun. Haha.. I want to make a travel and thinking blog, before. But my travelling time was not so often too, and it turns out to write down about my life, esp. with my Hun.

I think, i should named this blog. Hj-story just made me realized that i wrote a lot about my Hun too and i should keep going writing.
Let me keep writing !

Burger Time

My Hun is quite a busy working man, and he's can't really take care of himself. And somehow i feel bad for myself, if i can't take care of him too, esp. about his meals, health, and his daily little things. Actually from the beginning, i already decide to be a good girlfriend with cook some foods for Hun, and also practice for my future *wink* haha. But, as i don't have to many spare time and also my laziness, so i am not so often cooking.

What have i cooked for him? If i get a list, number one is Pangsit/ Dumplings Noode, but at first i always make it too salty. Then, Sayur Bening, Pork Ribs Soup, Kolokee, Some Stir-fry vegetables, Spagethi Carbonara, and American Breakfast. I realized that Hun maybe like western food more. So, last friday i decide to cook for him. Well, it's actually i prepare the ingredients, and we cook it together.

I plan to make a burger. "Burger" that word has a special meaning for us. I don't know why, but when we say burger, somehow we say it bu-ger. Without "r" in the middle. And it sounds so funny for us. Then, when Hun came back from HK working trip, i don't know whyyyy, he bought me a huge pack of jelly burger of Aji-Ichiban. x_x

Burger Jelly

Okay, I prepare the burger bun, patty, some vegetables, dressing, cheese, egg, and french fries. Well,at last it's quite delicious i think, but our burger become soooo huge. I'm very happy that friday. That was one of a very nice weekend i spend with Hun.

Agak belepotan piringnya... yg penting rasanya yum yum... ;:)

Love u.. ♥

Miss U x_x

This month went quite busy for us, since the gold's price going crazy  and make this time become the busiest month ever. Like now, you are going fly far away from me here in Surabaya.

Yesterday we had a big fight :'( i don't know what happenned till we can be like that. I am sad, super sad, and don't want to repeat that again for our relationship. Your words were vey deep for me . I hope we can learnt a lot from that situation for the next. I'm so sorry of i did wrong things which make u feel sad. But i do respect and listen to you, not because you ask me. I want to and i want to always and more do that. Hope you trust me and can see my sincerity.

Sometimes things goes wrong and not always be in my way, nor yours. But today i want tonlearn more again again, that love is also about understanding, willing, patience, and not let my ego always win, when things not always going to the way i wanted. I know its not easy, cos i failed many times when emotion  take over our logics, we become stubborn and argue each other endlessly....but i want to learn, cos i have a trust in this relationship.

You dont like to talk a lot  bout your feeling to me, but let me have a time yo more understand you. More and mote i become casually understand te way you love and carenme with your 1001 crazy methods.... thank you for loving me, doing everything for me, and let mebbe tebone in your heart... i reallt dont want to let you dowm.... trust me... and promise me too to love me and thus relationship more and more...however it is...

I am happy you said i became your wingman, your partner, and i still want to be like that still mbengy....

Miss u soooo now, for you very far from me, and cannot use bb !!!!! miss your tickle, miss your crazy fart, miss the way you speak to me rudely, miss your small angry to me, miss your snore, miss you sleep by my side, miss bugerrrr, miss your funny face calling me mbrutty... tongy....

We ♥ ❤ ♥

Love is not always what we see in the movie, being haha-hihi and happy. But trial and sadness, teach us what the meaning of trust, sincerity, and toughness. Cos love is not just a magic feeling from the sky bowed into our heart, but we need an effort, after that magic feeling already in our heart. That's called "WANT-to love".

Means.. put "i" become "we", put "mine" become "ours", then set aside our ego, give more receive less, and our willingness to do the all the best we can do for this relationship blended together into it....

♥ ❤ ♥ 

Pret A Prut

Kinda boring for me now a days. Work doesn't so busy, and nothing much i can do for it. But not for Hun. He-is-very-very-busy now.

Our holiday last month didn't get through very nicely like what we called 'a holiday', cos we had some family need to be cared. So, we spent about first 4-5 days to spent separately at our home. Doing nothing. Oh, so boring ! But i like the way we spent the next 6 days. We do nothing, just spend our time together, cos we can't go far from Surabaya.

Every working day our work need to be monitored till night. So, day off make our mind a lil bit relaxed, cos we don't feel like we are always in a rush. And that things is what we did. I miss the nights we spent together...
And when i think about that, i miss the moment we spent 2days in Malang last July too. It felt very warm for us, fun and nice!! We are very rare to do that kind of things

Well, it's only 2 hours you flied, left Surabaya already, and you haven't landed yet but i already wrote so long about us. Prutty, i miss u soooo xoxo.. Maybe it feels like you fly far away, not like usual just Singapore.. And sometimes "thinking too much" (you called it "xdt" haha) often visit my mind, especially for the sensitive-issue. Hahaha. Well, i always make efforts to manage more with it.

Loving you just teach me more to know and understand about myself, and life.
Never give up.

Promise

Mbengpruttt...
I am crying now while i am thinking our relationship right now. These days i am not too happy and made us not always in good mood. Maybe some are your fault, and some are my own thinking or feeling too much. Then today we talk a lot based on my own bad feeling.

Fact is i dont want to lose you :'( :'( :'(... damn so much...  Sometimes i do hate you so much when you are sooooooo damn "mbencekno". But i still dont want to give up. Still dont want to lose you. Really.....

Thank you for your effort to me. I appreaciate so much. Maybe i cant see or always complain, but i can feel and i want to trust you. Through the good times and bad times i dont want tolose you. Hope you feelthe same with me. Sorry if sometimes i was very childish and like to be angry .
Keep today promise , and i'll prove it to you that i dont want to lose you, even just in my imaginatin.

Thank you for today. Thank you for yesterday. Thank you for the last 2 days. You have been so patient to care me and face my childish. I do feel really grateful for that....Love you....

Still

Kadang ketika aku melihat sekelilingku, ingin rasanya aku tak usah mempercayai semua yang ada. Hidup bagaikan sebuah mainan, sebuah misteri, yang tak tahu kemana akan membawa kita melangkah.

Semua yang ada di dunia ini terasa seperti kebohongan dan penuh dengan muslihat serta intrik. Sikap hati yang bagaimana yang harus aku pegang dalam melihat masalah-masalah yang ada?

Dunia sekitarku yang penuh ambiguitas dan topeng senyum, membuatku menjadi seseorang yang sangat suka berpikir, menganalisa, kadang cenderung impulsif, melankolis, dan mendambakan suatu kehidupan yang sederhana saja.

Asal bisa hidup tentram bersama orang yang kita saling mencintai saja sudah cukup... Perasaan dimiliki dan memiliki serta keterikatan dengan orang yang kita cintai, sambil berbagi hidup sehari-hari dengan damai, bagiku sudah pantas untuk menyandang status "bahagia".

Berbagi hidup dengan seseorang mungkin terlihat gampang. Tetapi berkaca pada sekitarku, mungkin...juga tidak segampang itu. Aku pun juga belum pernah hidup berumah-tangga. Rasanya bagaimana aku tidak tahu. Aku kadang hanya seseorang yang terlalu mengagungkan cinta, percaya 100% dengan kata itu sendiri. Salah kah?

Hari ini aku menulis ini, bukan karena aku mau terus menganalisa dalam pikiranku yang penuh dengan pikiran negatif. Tapi, supaya suatu hari aku bisa membuka lagi catatan ini, dan aku sadar bahwa aku masih tetap mau menjadi orang yang percaya akan cinta.

Masih tetap sama ke-naif-anku untuk mempercayai cinta itu sendiri, dan memberikan diriku 100% untuknya. Aku percaya pada harapan. Aku percaya pada diriku sendiri. Aku percaya pada Tongy-ku yang sekarang kita bersama. Terlebih, aku percaya pada Tuhan.

Support, pengertian, sabar, dan doa. Always and should be never end.

*postingan super-absurd :s

Happy Anniversary 6-months, Mbruttong-y  xoxo..

Dear Mbruttong..

Today is as usual another wednesday, or any other day that i spent together with you. Spending our times with watch dvd while we monitor our a trading at the computer. It's so usual, so common, but i do really enjoy our times together.

Time flies so fast, while we ealized we have been together for quite some months.  April is quite bit hard times for us to synchronize. But later on it continues nicer and nicer.

Maybe it's kinda bit hard to understand me, or the other way, to understand you. But after we found the point to key on these things, i really feel glad. I'm glad that i haeve you.Told you really that i never regret that we go on together. Sometimes when i did wrong to you, i am sorry and i don't mean to do that.

I do enjoy when i hold you tight from your back, or when you so childish ask me to hold you, and hug you. I hate when you tickle me soooo much, but... sometimes i miss that :p and miss your expression when you were so happy to do that.. haha..

Thanks for your effort to do your best. I will really listen to what you say :)..  Know you and being together more and more with you, sad times or happy times, makes my heart really can't be alone without you. Even just when both of us stay quiet each other. I miss your presence. Just be there for me, and i really feel safe....

XD

WAHCTBOOTBM... XD... depend on which way you want to go... :p
Anyone can guess what's that?

Midnight Talking

I'd just realized that world now a days is so much different with when i was a kid. I used to play and doing things manually. Even there are no handphone, computer, or anything else, i still can live happily and i am not suffer anything. But people now a days can't live without electronic and gadgets. Including me too now. Haha..

But my lappie just broken.... :'( I'm sad, but not that sad so much.
Well, i just realized that so many things i do is really need gadgets. Like email, data storage,photo editing, checking my trading, checking bank's account data, and of course writing this post. hehe..

I bought my lappie 2 years ago, and  i used it very carefully, sometimes even rarely used. How can it broken? Still can't believe. Not just because the money value, but i really like my lappie, esp its design and color. It has white color with combinatin of black inside.

The worst thing of the broken part is probably motherboard which stick together with the processor. And it costs so expensive to repair it. So i just put down my laptop for now. Doing my computer stuff with office computer and sometimes g-tab. I am writing now using my g-tab. Poor me that i just bought new galaxy tab, and 1 month later my lappie is broken :'( . Hope i can repair it soon.

Btw, i miss this time when i am writing this post. Is when i awake at midnight listen some musics, esp radio (WHICH IS I AM SO RARE to do that now - since blackberry can't play radio, my car's radio is broken too, and i don't have any stereoset in my room) while i am thinking and writing my thought right now.

This couple week i didn't write any post. I am quite steady and nothing much happened. I just lot thinking bout this life and keep smiling doing everything. I don't want overthink anymore  and just doing.

Yesterday i had a nice dinner with HT. 3 of them are inviting us for their together birthday dinner. I am quite enjoy that time. So long time didn't feel really comfy with them. I mean, i am comfy with all of them these last months, but yesterday is just really back to comfy feeling like when i wrote "HT Rock" post.
I don't know, i should be happy or sad or what, but i can't deny that someone's presence obviously affect me and my secureness feeling. T___T. I don't hate, but maybe when someone is coming, i slowly step back.

I am quite happy this week too, cos i can manage my feeling and control it, not letting my feeling drive myself crazy. Hehe.

Well it just midnight talking. Going to power snooze now. (I am busy playing Sims Free at my gtab now haha)
Following week awaiting for me !! Ciao !

*wrote at Saturday midnight going to Sunday

First Sunday on May

Thanks God for still put this love both in our heart.. Please guide us, bless us, encourage us,and make us complete for each other more and more..

Cos two is stronger than one, especially and just because the two is us..
I love you..

May's Hope

I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn how to be sincere. Things go wrong, so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies, so you eventually learn to trust the people you can trust, and yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you've decided to look beyond life's imperfections. And no one is perfect, that's why understanding is so important.

My story taught me not to always complain (yeah, even so i'm still complain..) and just work hard if i want something, not blame unhappiness on other people, not blame any failures on other people' fortune, stop being moody and bothering people that i love just to make me comfy. Work harder than anyone else, and .not let fear stop me.

Expect the best, be prepared for the worst, f*ck what other think, and do your own thing.

Just be happy with who we are right now.

Enjoy every little things in life... for one day you'll look back and realize they were big things. Enjoy the sun when it all looks bright and shiny. Enjoy the rain and be prepared with your umbrella. An umbrella can not stop the rain, but it allows us to stand in the rain.

Just like faith in God, it may not remove our trials, but it gives us God's strength to overcome them.

(Some quotes that i got... i rewrite...mix and add with some of my thinking... i think it represent what am i feeling and thinking right now.....)

Bandung Escape : HT n Food

I need sooooo long time to finish this post. Just because i am so lazy to edit some photos.. x_x

I think i'm gonna be a fat one, or even a pig (!!), since i always eat and eat and eat. My activities weren't so busy recently, so i spent my times with watching DVDs, going out, and of course, eating. Especially, last month, when my friends and me -Happy Team- going to Bandung....

There were promo sales for Surabaya-Bandung flight which must be bought at December, and flight around February - April. And that was so cheap. So, last December, we -12 people- already bought the flight tickets for this trip. But, in the end, there were 3 of us can't join the trip, including Hun :'(. Poor Hun, poor me. Then, i have another friend who replace one ticket with his name. So, we started the trip with 10 people.

However, i was so amazed with that number of people joining this trip -10- !! It was surprised that we can go together for a trip with 10 of us together. It almost all of us. We coordinate our trip together, and having fun together for such quite big number of people to be gathered for. Since last time we went together to Bali, Bangkok, Jakarta, maybe just about 6-7 people.

Well, let's our trip begin...

Day 1 -  We purposely manage our trip from Friday - Sunday, to avoid busy working days, so many of us can join this trip. We gathered together at friday noon, waiting for our flight at Juanda Airport hurriedly. But it turns out they delayed our flight for about 1 hour. 

When we came to Bandung, we already booked two cars to pick up us going to Hotel and wherever we want. So, the drivers were waiting for us to pick up us, with hand a paper written there : "HAPPY TEAM"

.......

Wow... we were surprised... x_x. One of my friend who booked the cars said to them we booked the cars in the name of HT. Haha.. how comes.. But that was a nice greeting to Bandung, since the airport was soooo small.

While some of us check in to the Hotel's room, some of us were waiting at the lobby. And, when we are not doing anything, we used to take a picture. Haha. So, we took some pictures there. Again and again for the next two days (everytime we wait there).

After check in at Hotel. We are going to some cafes at Dago, which one of us said that Dago is quite beautiful place at night. So we go to Sierra. It's nice outdoor cafe which we can see Bandung from to the top. 

Food is quite good, but not the best i think.

Mushroom Cream Soup

It's Late night but we still don't want go back to Hotel, since we just have a very short time in Bandung. Then, someone told us to go to Motzen. That was a beer cafe. It's near Sierra, and same view, we can see Bandung  night light from top. Because its name is beer cafe, so we ordered Beer Tower. Haha. But in the end, no one really want to have it lot.

Apple Struddle which is very very good !!!

Day 2  -  It's quite difficult to sleep in a one standard hotel room within 7 people inside. Even they are 7 GIRLS. Which is so damn loud and very fussy. Plus plus is we are alllll together !!! You can imagine how was the situation. But it's all no matter, since we feel soooooo damn happy.

Today we were planning to go to Tangkuban Perahu and Lembang. A lil late because of the car's problem, but finally we started to Tangkuban Perahu at 10am. So, before that, we took lot pictures again.. Haha..

There are kind of "wayang". Very lot of them displayed at the hotel lobby.

Since we haven't breakfast yet, so we were looking for something to eat, along our way to Tangkuban Perahu. Which we found is the local Bandung's food : Roti Bakar (TOAST) and "Colenak". But, it was super disappointed for us. Call us villagers or maybe Surabaya people is so poor. But we ate Roti Bakar which is sooooooo thin and nothing special for Rp. 25.000,- and it just a small WARUNG. Not even a standard eating place.

Damn !

See how much the price ??

Very thin TOAST !!! so damn common. I also can make this at home

But, when we met our Bandung's friend, he said that near Tangkuban Perahu is maybe already a recreational area, so they raise the price, and that price is quite nor-mal for Bandung or Jakarta people !! Err.....

So, let's not talking anymore about the most expensive toast. We finally arrived at Tangkuban Perahu. It's very nice area actually, but Indonesia always can't preserve their own asset. However, you can see my taken pic below.

We took sooooo much pictures together there. And when i see again just now, i really missed that moment.

Along our way back to Bandung, we stopped at some places. (And again is food place, haha). There was a place sold Milky-Tofu. It looks like common tofu in Indonesia, but inside is very smooth and nice.

Then, next stop, we went to Sapu Lidi (which means broomstick). I wonder maybe this place was built and named during the Harry Potter booming's period. Haha. Look at the S looks like thunder at Harry's forehead. This place looks like eating at the traditional Indonesia's farm. We ate at small gazebo, with no chair. So, we sat at the wooden floor of the gazebo. Food are delicious and very worthed with their unexpensive price. Outside they also sell local snacks.

Next food station, we go to Kampung Daun. This place was so hugeee. You can't call it a restaurant. Just call it a small village, since it's soooo damn large. Its place even has a small river around, and you need to walk through some hills till you can get your table at the top of this location.

Your table is also like a small gazebo, but it feels more natural, seems like a gazebo in a middle of forest. Very nice place. Food is quite so-so. But, it's a lil difficult to call the waiter if you need something.

Last station that night was at Maja House. This one also a good cafe. They also have a hotel and club inside. The hotel looks so nice. They only have 12 rooms, and every rooms has different interior.
Food here is also very delicious. I'm craving now for all the food i ate at Bandung... arghh...
This place i really love is greentea ice cream, with some applechips, which is super super delicious. I wish i could buy the applechip to take home.....

Day 3  -  Time to packing. But nothing to be packed, since we go to Bandung not for shopping, but for eating.

Batagor Kingsley. That was our breakfast menu + Durian Ice Cream. Yummy! I like durian, but i don't really like food which is durian flavor. But this ice cream really nice, so i like it.

Batagor actually is a food, consists for Siomay and Tofu with peanut sauce. It's quite delicious, but not my favourite. I take home for my parents and Hun, they like it so much. I didn't take the picture, but you can go browsing to see how is actually this food looks.

Another food spot we went to before we go home is Primarasa. It was like foodgift center. They sell brownies, banana bolen, and some typical Bandung's snack. We bought quite lot there then what we bought need to be packed in a cartonbox.

Our last journey end in a Hummingbird Cafe. The place was super super cosy. The food were also super super delicious. They mixed the good place with delicious taste and nice appereance of the dining plate. We took a lot pictures also.

This cafe i think is so artistic. Food is also very delicious, and price is so-so. You buy the food including the environment. It realy worthed to eat here. They cook nicely with very nice appereance too, and nice ambience. Good one !

And finally we split into some group, continue our journey each of us. My group were going to airport to take flight back home Surabaya. Some are going to Jakarta, and some are extend in Bandung.

We had last trouble in airport when we want to go back Surabaya, but i'm so tired to write now. I'll write it later in another post.

Maybe we just going out for 2 night 3 days which is sooo damn short and so damn not exclusively nice. Our trip was in very standard class, but i feel so glad we can share our time together. Really. :)

Coming soon next trip... HT...

Just Some Quotes

When you pray for others, God listens to you & blesses them. Other times when you're safe & happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.


The most important lesson from a journey is the journey itself. One day when you've already reach the finish line, you can take a look at your behind, see each lessons you have been through. That was a teacher to made you today. So, enjoy every single moment of your journey. Don't get so easy to give up !!

And this one maybe is an answer to my last post :
When you love unconditionally, it isn’t because the person you love is perfect, it’s because you learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

(・。・;)

Don't really understand

What is a commitment really meant? What is a willing really meant?  What is a patience really meant?

Her

I don't know if i write this, i am right or not. Maybe people will think i am crazy or selfish or maybe for some eastern people i am insolent. But i really can't stand anymore with HER.

She, i know, try to do all things nice to me. She think about me and my life. She care with me. She want me to be happy, or anything nice things like that. But she forgot how to be a good wife, good mother, and good person.

In the other side, she take control of everything in this house. Still okay if her control is right decision. But, she always made a bad decision. In some cases, i know and i am grateful for everything she did to me. She allow me to go to club, she allow me to go travelling, etc. But, I regret so much that i can't have my own life normally just because of her. 

I can't have my normal house, can't have a normal family, can't have a normal habit, can't choose what job i like, even can't simply choose my own little step. Just because of her. 

I feel like crying when i see how she act to us, how she can be so cruel, so strong, so selfish to this life.

But, i hope, give up is none in my dictionary.

I need to make a clear borderline, how i have to respect her, but she is who she is and i am who i am.

Keep trying..

Keep going..

I can...

You said : The price of liberty...

God, please let me learn and value about this relationship. Guide us within Your way, to get through this with Your best solution...

I never thought, even once, that he is a mistake for me. He let me learnt lot bout life. I am still hoping for the best bout this relationship. Still hoping that he will be my future... I  am sorry if maybe i asked too much. Hun, I don't mean to push u to the corner, or put our relationship to the corner...

Hope you just understand that my heart really value this relationship...

Remind Me

I just made a promise to myself while the last day i was in Bali. And i think i need to write it down, just to remind me again and again. I am just a human who have a sincere heart to love my Hun, but sometimes i can feel lost, i can forget my goal. I deeply apologized
So let me remember, that i do promise to MYSeF to support Hun bout his cardream. Thats
me my ownself said that, cos i know what does it means for Hun. So, i need to understand that suport means i have to give Hun spaces for he doing this things and also with his friends. I have to trust him, put away my insecure feeling, and put away my too-MUCH-thinking.

I have to appreciate what Hun really trying to do his best to me. I have to have a big heart to think positively, and much more listen or obey Hun's. I dont want to make Hun more stress with my ridiculous small problems or even problems with my mind.

 Let me manage my mind and distribute it better. Lord please bring peace to my heart... amen.

Past...

Time flies so fast. Every things happened accompany our journey to grow older, just to make us a better person, a stronger person, and we learnt a lot from that. Even that bad things or good things. Bad things happened NOT to be regrettable, but to be a milestone to push us better ahead. One day, we have to smile and thanks for that.

Kind of Relationship

It's quite a time since my last post. Last month seems i am very often to post. But this month not so intense.

Well,  somehow i just really like to think. And think. And think. Hun said i am thinking too much, and i should stop doing that. When some 'too much' appears, i should immediately shut that thing off. I am trying and sometimes it works. But sometimes when it just too spinning around in my head, i can't stop thinking.

Just like now.

Actually i don't know what am i feeling or thinking or what is bothering me right now. Not so. Yesterday i had some conversation and made me thinking about people's relationship. When i see people around me, i just automatically analyzing their relationship and get the good or bad point from that.

First couple
I know some people who keep their fire in their relationship and they love each other very peacefully. No cheating at all, and they respect their relationship so much. They give all their heart, their feeling, their life completely just to be a soulmate to each other.

Second,
I also know some people who truly in love with each other. They know their partner now is gonna be their future. They respect their relationship, but sometimes they have a lil bit 'naughty' inside.
I realize that people can feel bored or lose their feeling to their partner. So, maybe they had some cheating but just a lil. They know their priority and their limit of the game. My friends, they already married now. So, i think they are settle down now, and they know / commit to their own heart not gonna do that anymore. Cos their time and their life is for their real partner now.

Third,
Some people are not really know what are they doing now. They have a relationship with their partner, but no real direction ahead. Maybe they just think, if we can go on, its okay, so just lets see. While like that, they don't feel really committed to their partner. So, they just can go cheating or have affair behind each other. I don't need to explain too much, i think you all got my meaning.

Well, I don't say that i am very holy or what. We all hope (or maybe not all) that we are the first couple above. But that things i describe above just scared me. Scared to realize the fact of this crazy world. And i hope Hun and i gonna keep our love, our heart completely for each other. Not gonna cheat even just a very very lil. Just believe our love, and trust this relationship.

April Story

Someone is telling me that he's gonna settle down.

For me, 'settle down' is something quite bombastic word to describe someone's change. It seems so extreme, like change direction from north to south, or west to east. When i heard about that word, i think about someone who wants to get married, maybe he/she had a crazy life before, then they left all their past behind and start a new life to build a family with his partner.

But in his mind, even he is not gonna married in the near future, he is going to settle down. Which means that he'll gonna concern more for his relationship. He's not gonna left all his life behind -like in my bombastic mind when i heard that word-. But he is trying to balance and make a clear priority. That he's gonna value his relationship more.

Maybe he's not going from north to south directly, but to southeast or southwest. What i called it in my dictionary? Hmm.. maybe being a lil more serious, more committed to their relationship? Whatever. I already got the main point of his thinking.

And that was my Hun...

I was a lil bit upset before when we had an argue. Feeling so sad for our fighting, also for our argue's topic. And i don't think that Hun is going to say like that. Actually i feel very happy. So glad. Not just an ordinary glad i ever wrote here before. Maybe this feeling is called feeling safe and secure.

I appreciate so much this Hun's confession. Thank you for thinking, considering, and deciding this thing. I feel a lil upset before, but i consider and realize that when you already decide, it means you are really sure with what are you doing. A single-processor boy with so many things in his head and he is trying to do his best. Not only for me. But he also need to value other people beside him. I don't want to imprison ourself. I still want Hun or me doing our things. I still want him can express his life. Cos that's why i fell in love with him. But after he said like that, i'm sure now even he is doing his things, sure he knows what is he doing

Today is Palm Sunday and we went to the church together.

For us, these days we also note about Qing-Ming day. It's a chinese culture, a month to remember our family who already passed away. I helped Hun to do a pray for his family today. Hard to desctibe my feeling, but clear i know i feel good to do that. Moreover, i am happy that Hun allow me to do that. Allow me to know and pray for his mom, his dad, and his brother.

I'm praying for our relationship. To be blessed. To be reminded to value each other effort, and we're not gonna stop to learn or understand each other.

Thanks God for today.

My Pray..

Dear God,
I'm just gonna say thank you for my Hun which You gave him now to be together with me. I feel so grateful to have him eventhough sometimes we fight and argue.

Please guide me with Your guidance and wisdom so I can be a good woman and good soulmate for him. Tell me the meaning of sincerity and willingness so I can understand him more. And teach me to love him day by day with more and more.

I hope time we have passed by and time we're gonna passed are fulfilled with love and understanding.

Thanks God for this man. Who loved me so. Not by his words, but by his reality action. Let me more to understand this. He, who are willing to try to understand me. I know he isn't the best to understand me NOW. But I know his effort. And he WILL.

I love you.

Planning

I just talk a lil with Hun about "planning". This word for him has different meaning with me. I am so well-organized people, and Hun is not. Even, Hun is very very unplanning person i've ever met. This kind of thing sometimes being a lil disagree for us. I need to lower a lil about my standard, and he also raise a lil about being more well-planned.

For me, i think like this....
Planning doesn't mean to complicating our times, but it means we RESPECT people who stay beside us and things we are doing for...  What i mean respect is you walk on your life is not only for your life. We live in this earth as a social beings. It means inevitably we are always commited to people who stay beside us, like your partner, your family, your friends, your co-workers, etc. So, when we engage them to our time, we have to respect their time too by share our plan or just a simple make a plan !

I think planning makes you know well your purpose, your goal, and your dreams, even just a very simple thing... Not everything or every cases need planning, just a little planning is enough. Cos too much planning without doing is nothing. Action speaks louder than words. But none of planning is also nothing. You won't walk into a clear direction, unless you always have luck in each of your steps.

Each of us can decide when we have to plan or not. Or we have to plan until which step. Muchmore, when we have to tell others about our plan. So, Happy planning ... :)

Dear Hun.. : Weastern

Western VS Eastern : Weastern 

Dear Hun.. 

We talked a lot about our views of life, relationship, and future yesterday. Especially you concern more about children. I am quite happy that we can share, we can argue, and we can finish our talking with nicely at the same time, esp before we go to sleep. Cos I already promise myself that if we have something to talk, it should be finish talk at the same day before we go to sleep.

Back at our topic. 

I think both of us has each past and condition which create our thought and view of our life. My situation and environment built my character and affect me to live the way I am now. I realize that what happenned in your family also affect you so lot for your view, especially about woman and it is very make sense for you to think like that.

We talked a lot about our views of smoking, clubbing, sex, future children, and etc. I feel that you were so dynamic, very open person, equal, and very "real" --so human -- who have strengths and weaknesses. And how the way we live our life now, I think life is life. It happened and I think its acceptable, even can't judge in a good/bad side. And the whole package of you, the whole package of me, good or bad, I think that's the dynamic point why we fell in love each other.



However it is, I am glad that I know you. Glad that you are my man now. Even though in some views we were not agree, I hope we can get more understanding for each other's views. Sometimes I think you are more open-minded person than me. The fact is not like that. Otherwise, now I think I am too open-minded, maybe.

Yes i know you are open-minded person. For everything you have your own idealist view, but you still can consider for each side views. That's nice. And i like that. But, for western or eastern culture, do i really too open-minded?

By the way, I am proud for the way I have my view now. Well, I don't know the right word to describe what I mean. But, I think "proud" maybe is the rightest one. Its not said that I am proud of my life because I already success or what. I even don't have anything valuable or some good achievement. But I should be proud for whatever it happened in my life, I already passed it and stand still, so that I am now. 

I just feel regret for myself, when i can't respect myself, or can't respect other people. I hope I can always respect my life and each other.

I am proud of people who have a dedication, and passion, for something then make efforts o make that thing work. I am proud of people who can stay and stand for shit happenned in their life. I don't mean that people should have bad problems in life or proud for the problems x_x. If we/they have another choice, maybe just leave so lot shit behind and try or choose the easiest way to continue life. That's absolutely true. But, i do respect for their toughness. 

When i know you more, i consider you, accept you, and love you with this kind of view. I am not looking for someone who are so perfect in all the way he is. I am looking for someone who is so damn real human so that we can together build our way of thinking, our passion, our future, even our silly life.

That's why I am proud of you, Hun :). Since the very beginning. Maybe sometimes we argue or else, but i'm sure you know my heart actually. Maybe you think I am crazy, or too naïve. But its me saying this. And I really mean it...

Hope you feel the same too.. 

Love you My Mbrutz.. XO 

Dear Babi..

Hello Babi...
My Babi-bird.. Mocca-bird...

This is monday morning, and i just came home from our little adventure. We just spent very good weekend, i think. Started at Saturday when you can wake up earlier (hahaha), then you were busy with your project, and me too going out some places. But, at night, I'm very happy to accompany you while you are brainstorming about your thinking and your project.

I don't think your project is silly or childish. Maybe some people think it is, but let us see from such a different view. I think this called self-actualization. Everyone should be ever do this. Not for judging ourself, but to respect ourself. And i think as long as we can still be responsible to some cases that we have to, that's all okay. Goodluck bird.... i know you can.... :)

Saturday midnight was my first time to see real drag race, especially in Surabaya. That was let me see more realistic sides about race, and so many people there with each different styles. Eventhough it's a race with other people, but i think it is a competition against ourself actually. And also to strengthen friendship, especially with your bros.

Sunday morning we continue to discuss about your project (And about some alien words that i never heard before... Hahaha..) But later you show me and let me know what are those looks like and how they work. Then we go see my parents for some visit, and continue to the church together with our friends. We sing along together after that, and it's nice being together with our friends.

After paused for a while, then we go talking again about some changes in your project due to some reasons until we fall asleep. And just now, we wake up a lil late, so we get a little adventure. Haha..

Let's start this week... Hope this week gonna be a good week...

Love you Bird... XO

'Sometimes' Happened All the Time

Sometimes i do really sure with what am i doing...

Sometimes i don't...

But sometimes i choose to take risk for something i'm not really sure...just because i have a strong feeling...

Sometimes when i really sure, reality told me that i was wrong, and i supposed not to be so sure about that..

And otherwise, sometimes when i least expect that, good things come..

Sometimes i am tired of trying, tired of thinking, tired to get myself direction what should i do..

Sometimes i hope i can be just 'flowing' and laid-back person, with least expect anything..

Sometimes i hope i can be not so serious to see things.. not always 100% when i do something..

Maybe that just for rescue my heart than feel so hurt inside..

And...

I am not hoping for people understanding me... cause i think this problem just little problem of my mind... which is complicated i made by myself, i think. Some REAL problems still a lot are awating there... I need to divide clearly...and not to overburden people around me.... cause that will made them sad too.... and i don't want they sad....

This time, i just want to stay silent, do nothing, no expect, no effort, que sera sera.....

..........

This post is just the short version from my draft post.

It's 22.52 PM.
Today seems everything not going alright. I am very bad mood today. Maybe it all started in my mind. and my feeling. And i can't tell anyone bout my feeling. Even i am trying, but i can't finish. Seems no one have time to hear my heart till i finish talking.

I am very sad now. I feel so alone for myself. And no one can understand me perfectly, since i know everyone has their own problems. But, i am so tired to swallow all my shits alone. I feel lost inside myself... I need a change.. a breakthrough... but.. i don't know.. I just feel sooooo alone.

God, i am so stressed. Please count on how many times did i cry today.....till now.....
Everyone can't understand what i feel.... but at least, You understand... and please... help me to tell them...

Letter for Me : I am Okay...

Dear Me,

I am talking to you to keep strong in this damn crazy house. Even though i have tons of crazy little problems everyday, and every hour, even every minute when she is around. Or maybe he is around. Or maybe they are around.

I used to say to myself that i can wait until the time i leave this house. Good things come to those who wait. I always said like that. But this time, i came to a point that i can't handle myself anymore. I don't know how long do i need to wait. I don't know what am i waiting for. Or even i don't know what am i doing right now.

I feel lost inside myself. And no one can help me out.

I can't trust anyone. I can't have any expectations to anyone.

It's so hurt inside my heart... while i can't detailing my heart to anyone... while no one seems can understand what i feel...  And i know everyone has their own problems..

I know, i always said like this when i came to this point. Then after cooling down for a while, i will said to myself, it's okay, it's okay. And i will back to normal. Maybe this "usual" will repeated again and again. But i just want to explode what am i feeling right now.

I hope i can quickly say i am okay. 

I am okay.

I am okay.

Damn, i am okay.

I know i can through it. This time i still can. Yes, i can. Thinking a while, Realize a while. I know what am i waiting for. I still have this strong of patience, coz i know its worth to be waited for.

Well, put a smile. :)

Life goes on.................

-Xia

My Blog is "Online" Now

Well....
Finally, my blog is ONLINE now. Online for my Hun. x_x.

Before this, he doesn't know anything what i wrote in this blog. Coz this blog seems like a trash bin only for me. I finally told him about this blog about two weeks ago. I feel so relieved, and i am glad i told him. I don't know if he will read this blog again or maybe forget bout this blog :p, but i am glad he can read and know everything about me. Cause, i would like to know (not read- coz Hun doesn't have any blog) everything about Hun too.

After such things, i really feel moreeee comfortable with Hun. I think both of us are learning more and more how to understand each other. How to love each other. And that's nice. Thanks for our good cooperation, Hun ! Haha..
Love u xoxo

Note : However, i need to keep writing to balance my mind and release my *always* complicated thinking. x_x

Friday Noon Talking

Today is friday. Well, finally it's friday. Last week, friday till Sunday  i had a very nice trip to Bandung (I'll write it later---). And this week was quite nice too. I went to movie with Hun, sleep at Hun's house, and have some pretty nice hangout with my besties.

But, some things keep playing in my mind. About my family, my family's working stuffs, my trading which is not so good this week, and a lil thinking bout myself. When i always thinking like this, i used to feel alone and need someone to comfort me. Hmm, I miss my Hun. Miss him so much.

I can't explain clearly what do i mean with this "miss". Maybe not just miss his time to be with me, but more than that, i miss my comfortable feeling when he's there. When he share his things to me, and me too, when we just do things together which is only both of us did and knew, even that was so simple. Miss some sweet talks with Hun. And I miss when we appreciate and feel every moments.

Sometimes, i'd just like a kid. I'd just want to cry and hug him. Feel comfortable there.

I really don't know the point what am i writing right now. I think its' pointless. Yeah, maybe it just a non-sense kiddie talks.